Well, yesterday was an interesting day. I got laid off from my boring and not ideal job where I have been working for almost two years. I thought I still had a couple more months on it at least, but in a way it’s a good thing. Working there did not give me much of an incentive to try to find something else because I had found a way to live with it, even though I knew it was not good for me.
Now I’m in a position where I have to find something else. Only, I don’t know what that thing is yet. I would like it to be writing, but that is not too realistic at the moment, and I will have to put in a lot more months (maybe years) of hard work before it is reality.
I know there are jobs out there I could very easily get, but those are not the jobs I want. I know they are the kind of jobs that would suck my soul dry. No one really wants those jobs, it’s just a matter of circumstance.
Yesterday was also interesting in the sense that I got my return edits back from my professor on Apocalypse. I glanced through them and there were some good comments made. I also had twelve sells yesterday, which is way more than I usually get. I have no idea if it was a fluke or if it will stay at that rate. I had about four sells by the time I heard the news before lunch at work, so I don’t think it was just people on Facebook or whatever after finding out about me losing my job. I tweaked my blurb a bit, but it’s hard to believe that more people would buy my book just because of that. Also, my professor wrote a stunningly amazing review, which you can find here.
I’m a little bit afraid of the future, because it is unknown. I do know what kind of job I would like to have:
1. Something that allows creativity (preferably writing).
2. Something that allows interaction with other human beings (who are not yelling, complaining, etc., at you).
3. Something that makes me feel like I’m doing something important.
There are jobs like that out there, but there are in high demand and only one person can get it, in the end, even if all the applicants are technically equally qualified and it just comes down to interviewer taste.
I’ve been waking up at 5:30 a.m. or earlier every morning just to write. My new novella has reached 24,000 words on its first draft, and I am going for 40,000+ words. I am excited in the sense that I am finally, finally getting into the flow of this, not expecting success immediately, and learning on the way. I want to have it done completely by the end of this month. And it is always encouraging when I hear someone say they liked something I have written. It is always validation that I am doing the right thing, and helps to avert those crises I sometimes have where I feel like I took a wrong turn somewhere.
Writing stories is something I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid. In a way I feel like I have wasted a lot of time in college not writing enough. But in another way I think I needed to be thrust into the harsh reality of the real world to realize how much harder I needed to work for it. College was a bubble – even though I had more time, I had less incentive to try. I had always assumed that I would magically just sit down and magically write an amazing book, because I was always filled with amazing ideas. Having amazing ideas does not necessarily translate to communicating those ideas effectively to paper. It takes a lot of work to put ideas to words, and words themselves change the ideas in a continual back and forth.
There is this cultural conception that creativity is a magical thing, when really it is just a lot of hard work. True, there are such things as bursts of inspiration – but these bursts don’t come out of the ether, they come as a result of putting in the hours every day. As your brain rewires, you begin to see the world differently and it becomes more natural as you form a habit.
Even though I don’t really want to do it, I’m going to have to force myself to find another job. I think in the end it will turn out to be a good thing, but there is a lot of not knowing involved and that is always the hard part, forgive the cliche. Since college I’ve become very aware of how hard things can be out here and how hard it is to find a good job you are happy with.
I really do think this writing thing will work out. I’m getting better and better. I’m going back to read Night of the Necromancer, my first book, and realizing that a lot of it feels choppy compared to what I’m doing now. A new version of it should be online soon, with completely revamped formatting. Things are only looking up writing-wise. I’m still waiting for the big payoff to come. Or maybe there will be no big payoff…just a gradual climb upward.
Whatever it is, I think I’m on the right track. I just need to keep going.